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The Rattling Fuzz & Hum.

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The new, new to me, latest to me, my third, CPN.
Community Psychiatric Nurse is very nice,
Much, much better than the last,
Hopefully as good as the first.

She worried about me, something I said, I said the word, the word that triggers, that word was harm…followed by another, risk…followed by another, myself…followed by another, others.
Is it me, is it the pills, is it a reaction to pills, is it real. It is real…
But what is the reality…

My concerned CPN hastens an appointment to my Psychiatrist.
I can see he enjoys meeting me, his face takes on a serious hue,
when he hears those words. His face tense, he looks me fully,
eyes locking, he’s deep in thought, searching me, searching him.

New meds! Yeah! Deep joy! What fun Christmas will be,
as my mind gets use to the surges of different drugs, again.
Again the surges of the strange and wonderful waves.
Waves I try to enjoy, jumping up and over as they flow by me,
Waves I dive under and through as they crash around me.

So now the sixth drug is given to play with the poor, innocent mind.
One drug, the same one taken off three months ago, given again.
Another drug, new, powerful, I feel it snatching parts of me,
Leaving me swimming in the ocean, far before the waves form,
only to suddenly be right where those large, looming crests, crash.
Leaving the mind a smog and the mouth ajar, open, dopey.

My Black Dog, Fenrir.
Fenrir becomes
No longer the dog.
The dark and forbidding
Stood in the corner learing
Fenrir the shadow, the village idiot.

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